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B-WARE
2007 I vowed that I'd never do this again… Yet here I am, doing it again. Another B-WARE… I must be insane. I started just planning a quick update with about thirty or so films; in the end it ballooned to two hundred upcoming b-movies! 200! Unlike last time, I'm not categorizing the movies - only alphabetical - nor am I providing sardonic commentary for each and every entry. Again, there's 200 movies listed here. Some are movies I've already written about either on my blog or for Dread Central, in which I case, I've more or less reproduced what I wrote then. More often than not, I'm just providing you with a promo art, a plot synopsis, a listing of notable cast members, and a link to a website or trailer link for you to find out more if you're interested. The majority of the b-movies listed are genre flicks that fall into the categories of horror, sci-fi, or creature features, but you'll also find some action, comedy, and what not. The films listed are in various stages of production - the majority are in the post-production stage, some will hitting DVD shelves imminently, some have yet to begun filming, and a couple have been announced but may never be. The overwhelming majority will go straight-to-DVD or premiere on some cable network (most likely the Sci-Fi Channel); very few will ever see the flicker of a theatrical movie screen. Odds are that most of the movies listed here will be of dubious quality, while a few will prove to be either genuinely good or worthy of impending cult status - but that all remains to be seen. They're b-movies and with b-movies there are always pros and cons, but, hey, if you didn't love b-movies like me then you wouldn't be reading this right now. I provide this service to give you a head's up (and in some cases, a warning) about what is really only a drop in the bucket of the inordinate amount of b-movies headed your way. This may seem like a lot, but really, it's only a taste of things to come. B-INFORMED… B-WARNED… 200 upcoming b-movies… B-WARE 2007… Enjoy.
TITLES A-C
I wrote about this one in the last B-WARE and, well, I'm still waiting... "It started as a legend whispered in seaside taverns along the northern coast, a legend of a gigantic 60' creature that walks the tundra like a man. It has many names: Yeti, Big Foot, Sasquatch and the Abominable Snowman. Noted wildlife photographer Jimmy O'Shea believes these stories and has made it his life's work to photograph this legend. But Jimmy O'Shea is killed mysteriously so it is his beautiful daughter Ally, an animal rights activist, who agrees to take on her father's legacy. Even so, she is repulsed by her father's partner Jacko, a ruthless hunter providing animals for illegal experiments. But she will work with her avowed enemy to uncover this great discovery. Jacko captures the creature and brings the attraction back to Alcatraz Island. Ally cannot tolerate the creature's captivity. Now,
Jacko's hunt for glory becomes one woman's fight for freedom. When Jacko's
men move to harm Ally, this most endangered species become the most
dangerous of all. The creature and Ally escape making a desperate stand
on the Golden Gate Bridge. Combat helicopters zoom down firing but they
discover the creature is not only incredible but also indestructible. Trust me when I tell you that the trailer for this Cine Excel cheapie is an absolute must see!
A British-produced CGI animated spy spoof set two hundred years into the future. Boris Goudphater ("Good-farter") is a first prototype cyborg developed by the World Security Network (WSN) to combat crime. The experiment failed due to a dangerous defect. Goudphater (voiced by Brian Blessed) manages to survive the de-commissioning process and escapes. Horribly disfigured and angry, he is at large and out for revenge. Agent Crush (voiced by Ewan MacGregor) is a second prototype cyborg, and is trying to prove himself as a secret agent. Crush has been furnished with all types of superhero gadgets but he is prone to bumbling accidents and causes havoc wherever he goes. Accompanied by his genius inventor sidekick, Spanners and Spanner's daughter Cassie (voiced by Neve Campbell), his latest mission is to stop Goudphater from exploding a nuclear device in the center of the Earth's magma core and causing every volcano to erupt, destroying the Earth. A spectacular flying car chase through the streets of New York and the underground lava caverns leads to an explosive climax. Can Crush prove to the world that he is the man for the job and save the Earth in time?
"An unstoppable warrior. A master of weapons and hand-to-hand combat. Marlowe is the samurai of the future who lives by a strict code. But, Marlowe has a secret. He's not human. The Syndicate is a shadowy criminal organization. Nothing stands between them and world domination. Nothing except Marlowe. Julie is a smart and spunky fifteen year old who lost her family to Syndicate killers. She wants justice and will do anything to get it. Saylon is an assassin from beyond the stars. He has come to earth to spearhead an invasion. These four will collide in a titanic battle to determine the fate of the world. Overflowing with action and attitude, ALIEN AGENT is a non-stop rollercoaster ride where Blade Runner-style futurism meets Hong Kong-style action. Forget Rambo. Forget Robocop. They were only human. A brave new world needs a new kind of hero - an Alien Agent." Stars Marc Dacascos and Billy Zane.
Ladies and gentlemen, I do not want to overly alarm everyone, but the martians have invaded Arizona! These are not the good sort of extraterrestrials; do not offer them Reese's Pieces or a trip to McDonalds and do not allow any to live in your attic as there will be no amusing shenanigans or comical discussions about the eating of cats. These aliens are deemed toothy and extremely dangerous. If you live in the Copper State you are advised to take shelter immediately. Senator John McCain is currently pushing for a surge to combat the invading alien menace. ALIEN... INVASION... ARIZONA... As is par with Lionsgate, the box art is pretty swanky. But that title - egads! How many seconds do you think the folks at Lionsgate spent coming up with the retitling of this flick? I vote 7 seconds. I imagine the conversation went something like this: LIONSGATE EXEC #1: Okay, our next movie is The Selena Incident. LIONSGATE EXEC #2: Terrible title. Will never sell… Needs a new title… What's this crapfest about? LIONSGATE EXEC #1: Well, some evil alien creatures land in Arizona and... LIONSGATE EXEC #2: Aliens invade Arizona, huh? Alien Invasion Arizona... There's your new title. What's next? LIONSGATE EXEC #1: Uh, okay, umm, the next movie in need of a new title has to do with a bunch of teenagers that get stranded in the woods, find a dilapidated house, and get butchered by a... LIONSGATE EXEC #2: The Butcher... That's what we'll call it. Anything else; can we speed this up? I got a racquetball game at two and my weekly domination session with Mistress Clarice at three-thirty. This film in question has already been released in some overseas markets under its original title, The Selena Incident, but somehow someone at Lionsgate decides The Selena Incident sounded too generic (which it most certainly does) and decided to change to something that's not only more generic, it's so mindlessly generic it's hilarious - Alien Invasion Arizona. From what few reviews I've found about the movie, "mindlessly generic" seems to be a fitting description. "Crap" would also be acceptable. "After a mysterious, extraterrestrial object lands in the mining town of Selena Arizona, the government dispatches a team of Marines to contain the possible threat. Meanwhile, a group of death row inmates ambush their prison bus and take the guards and personnel aboard hostage. Arriving in the seemingly deserted town, they come across the Special Ops captain, the sole survivor of a horrible carnage that's decimated the rest of his unit. Now, with time running out, the group must unite to combat the threat of the savage aliens hunting them in the mine tunnels below, and the peril above from a squad of fighter planes sent to bomb the town to oblivion, in this pulse-pounding, sci-fi thriller." Alien Invason Arizona will invade DVD shelves on April 17th.
"Dave Sprewell is about to experience a fratboy's worst nightmare "Spring Break in a Mexican jail. The prisoners in Cellblock D are unwitting subjects in a sinister experiment to infuse animals with human intelligence conducted by American biophysicist Erwin Wagner. The experiment goes terribly wrong: the donors begin to exhibit signs of animalistic behavior as they transform into half-human half-beast. In pre-production."
"Carl Weber, a young man claiming to be a vampire, makes big news in a small town by suing his employer for discriminating against him (as a vampire). Carl is on a mission for equal rights for all vampire-kind, and a camera crew catches him on his 15 minutes of fame. We peek inside the life of Mr. Weber, his rocky friendship with his two best friends Cassie and Toby, his dysfunctional family, his bewildered employer, his quirky lawyer and a dancing cat." A comedy mockumentary.
Divorced parents must race to find their daughter as a massive asteroid threatens to destroy all life on Earth. An Asylum production that seems to be a variation on Deep Impact but with a Christian bent to it.
When I stumbled upon a listing for a new flick called Army of the Dead my immediate reaction was something along the lines of, "Geez, not another zombie flick." Then I watched the trailer and came to realize that the undead soldiers in this particular army of the dead weren't zombies, but skeletal warriors along the lines of the Deadite army from Army of Darkness. My reaction then changed to, "Cooooool!" We don't get enough killer skeleton movies for my money, especially ones about skeletal conquistadors on a rampage. In 1590, Coronado dispatched a division of one thousand men to find El Dorado, the legendary city of gold. Those men were never seen again. While searching some Baja peninsula caves as part of an archeological expedition, a university professor and his students unwittingly unleash a long dormant curse. They soon find themselves in a life or death battle with an army of skeletal warriors, the undead remnants of Coronado's conquistadors. We're talking sword-swinging, flaming arrow-shooting skeletal conquistadors. Where's Ash when you need him?
Remember that mediocre Wesley Snipes action flick Art of War? This is the part where you respond, "Barely." Well, it too is getting direct-to-DVD sequalized. Replacing Wesley Snipes in Art of War 2 is former Naughty By Nature rapper Anthony "Treach" Criss. He'll be joined by former Playboy Playmate Sung Hi Lee. All I can say is, "Why?"
"Somewhere in the distant future, The Girl is alone. She is the last of her people, the others having died in a generations-long war that the girl continues to fight with the assistance of a group of antiquated robot helpers and soldiers. Her only connection to her long-dead people is a collection of recorded journal entries made by the scientist who cared for her as a baby. His is the only friendly human face she's ever seen. The regular transmissions from her enemy's leader are always filled with threats and taunts. The girl responds to these invasions by attack of her own, carried out by her mechanical soldiers on the contaminated surface where no human can survive. Men started this war. The machines will finish it." Imagine if Tetsuo the Iron Man got melded with Eraserhead on an Ed Wood budget and you get an idea what to expect from this critically praised avant-garde black & white science fiction extravaganza. Definitely woth a look-see at the trailer.
"A group witness firsthand the horrifying results of a government biological weapon experiment gone catastrophically wrong. As the virulent, mutating, flesh-hungry contagion spreads from person to person - rendering each human host into a pile of infectious goo - it begins to exponentially increase in size as well. An undercover military force sent in to contain the spread and destroy the organism discovers the shocking extent of the mutation, but by then it's far too late for conventional tactics. Extreme measures are required…if there's anyone left standing in one solid, uninfected piece to do battle." From Brett Piper, a guy known for making low budget genre flicks using stop-motion and other practical effects. No stop motion this time out, but the effects remain practical, and if I dare say, quite imaginative in a retro sort of way. I highly recommend checking out the trailer. This one looks like it has the potential to be a good deal of gooey fun.
"In the final days of the 21st Century, the Earth is engaged in a devastating war with the forces of evil, an army of alien invaders known as the Demons. Leading the Earth's forces is an enigmatic superhero known as The Baron. During an extermination combat mission The Baron is captured, taken as a prisoner to the seductive witch, Lady Pervertm, and he is tortured by her until she finally extracts his sperm. Lady Pervertm uses the Baron's sperm to impregnate the Beast - Ragnarok with the intent to create the ultimate race of homicidal Demons. The Baron manages to escape, but tormented by his guilt, he begins a bloody war of vengeance in an attempt to save the Earth."
Yep, a sequel to that god awful killer bats on a rampage movie and this one doesn't star Lou Diamond Philips or Dina Meyers, which is kind of surprising considering it isn't like either really have anything better to do these days. "Set in present day Afghanistan, the sequel centers on a group of soldiers who endeavor to capture Fazul, a fanatical terrorist who has escaped into the maze of caves underlying the landscape of the country. As the troops spelunk, they encounter one major obstacle: genetically altered bats programmed to seek out flesh and consume it." Biggest name cast member is ex-Baywatch stud David Chokachi.
"Beef is the story of Drew, an introverted young man, bullied and abused throughout his life, who aspires to be a body builder, but can't quite ever seem to achieve his goals. His sanity ends when his girlfriend leaves him for his odd and obsessed health fanatic ways, and he's beaten up and bullied just one too many times. He begins murdering local body builders, as he searches for the ultimate key to health and strength. Inevitably his search leads him to an ancient secret which adds new truth and meaning to the expression: "you are what you eat."
"Over 2000 years ago, the 12 Apostles of Christ were warned that one day Satan would retaliate against God, for casting he and his Angels into hell, so the Apostles each made a special Dagger to kill each of Satan's 12 equivalent Demons, he has unleashed to re-stake his claim. That day has come, as was written in the Books of Revelations. However, direct-Blood-line Descendants of the Apostles, called the 'Alpha Disciples', have collected the Daggers passed-down through time, and come together to take-on Satan's deadly Cult of Gothic Demons, before all of hell's demons are released upon the earth."
Sci-Fi Channel production that has Robin Hood and his merry men journey into the Dark Forest beyond Sherwood to slay a creature that has been terrorizing the poor and innocent.
"When Derek Cowley takes his college classmates to his stepfather's cabin to party, they are attacked by a strange creature. A cross between Hannibal Lecter and the Wolfman, the lascivious Beast hunts down Derek's classmates and kills them with sadistic glee. Back home, Derek begins to suspect his abusive stepfather, Mitch Toblat, is the werewolf. With help from his friend Samantha, a brash motorcycle-riding tomboy, he begins to investigate -- leading to a deadly game of cat-and-mouse with Toblat. Ultimately, Derek must find the courage to face the unleashed Beast in a final night of unimaginable horror." On DVD in June.
"A group of friends embark on a camping adventure to an idylic location in the mountains. The horror begins, as one-by-one, they become the prey of Holler Creek Canyon's newest resident. The questions is - Is it man or beast?" I've seen this one and it's really more of a softcore sex flick until Bigfoot goes on a full blown killing spree near the end. Highly recommended only if you're dying to see Ron Jeremy get his skull squished by the foot of Sasquatch.
"In the near future gas prices have reached astronomical highs nearing $40 a gallon. One man, Archie Andrews, an environmentalist elementary school teacher, is trying to discover an alternate fuel source. While experimenting with wheat grass, Archie accidentally stumbles upon a solution. That solution turns out to be blood. HUMAN BLOOD!" Co-stars Anna Chlumsky, thus answering the question as to whatever happened to MY GIRL.
Seven plane crash survivors in the Sierra Mountains take refuge in a cabin, get snowed in, and then under siege by vicious, man-eating extraterrestrial monsters. Monsters don't look any more impressive than the premise.
Bog bodies, which are also referred to as bog people, are preserved human bodies found in the various moss-filled bogs of Britain, Ireland, and other spots throughout Northern Europe. The cold temperatures, water acidity, and lack of oxygen to tan the skin leave the ancient remains found in a mummified state with skin and internal organs preserved, but the bones are generally dissolved. The majority of bog bodies recovered by archaeologists have been bodies hailing from the Celtic Iron Age of around 4th century AD. Now that you know what a bog body is allow me to tell you about the upcoming horror movie Bog Body from Irish writer/director Brendan Foley. When the bog body of a 2,000-year old Iron Age warrior preserved in one of Ireland's peat bogs is dug up and dumped by a property developer, the bog body comes back to life and goes in search of a new place to rest in peace, leaving a wake of death and destruction in its wake. Vinnie Jones (Juggernaut in X-Men: The Last Stand) stars as an enigmatic hunter who lives in a rundown shack in the heart of the boglands and whose real "big game" is tracking down and destroying resurrected bog bodies. The film also stars Titanic's Jason Barry, The Descent's Nora-Jane Noone, and Snatch's Adam Fogerty, who plays the undead and unhappy title character.
"When a highway building crew begins digging in the vast Arizona desert, the local police find themselves with several grisly murders. In these bizarre murders, the victims have had their bones removed by a means that even the medical community can't explain! The highway crew blames the local Indian tribe who they claim are trying to scare them off their freeway project but the sheriff's wife, Estrella, knows better. She tells them of an ancient Indian spirit avenger, The Bone Eater, who in the ancient lore rose from the caverns below the earth to aid the warriors of the clan. The crew has unleashed the creature and now he is exacting a strange revenge on the entire town. How do you stop an Ancient mythical creature?" Jim Wynorski directed creature feature for the Sci-Fi Channel starring Bruce Boxleitner, Gil Gerard, and Walter Koenig
With a title like that and starring a human trainwreck like Tom Sizemore you might find yourselves surprised to hear that, no, this is not a documentary or a bioflick. The troubled shooting of the film was even featured on the VH1 reality show "Shooting Sizemore." "A man-munching monster prowls beneath the Earth's surface...send in Tom Sizemore! In this terrifying horror opus, a toothsome terror stalks a maintenance worker and his crew, who--barring the miraculous intervention of Ripley or Van Helsing--are on their own, and the odds don't look good." On DVD April 3rd.
A Jim Wynorski spoof movie... Given the title I'm sure you can figure out what movie is being spoofed and what we will see copious amounts of. On DVD May 15th.
Shot as though it were recovered footage from the site of the actual incident, Bryan Loves You is about a cult who comes to a small Arizona town and takes over, killing anyone they can't covert to their crazy religion based around a mystery figure known as Bryan. The filmmakers have doing a lot of hoaxes designed to try and make the subject matter seem more real. The film stars George "NORM!" Wendt, Daniel Roebuck, Tiffany Shepis, Tony Todd, and Lloyd Kaufman
A college prank at an abandoned house accidentally awakens a frightening spirit (as you can see). A low budget shocker that features Saw's Tobin Bell.
"Cinderella gets a make-over in this dark tale of love, murder, revenge and the walking dead. This gothic fairly tale features Cinder, a young woman with troubles. She has a wicked step-stripper for a mom. Her prince charming is a complete psycho. Her fairy godmother is actually the voodoo god, Baron Samedi. Worst of all, she's been murdered. But Cinder doesn't intend to let a little thing like being dead stop her. She's got places to go and people to kill. She only has until midnight!" On DVD in May.
"Four friends on a camping trip fight off a woman with the power to raise the recently deceased." Make it a canoe trip and change the title to "Deliverance From Evil" and maybe I'll be interested.
"Sawdust in the Blood used to be a Carny compliment...not a description of a crime scene. There are a thousand sideshows playing thousands of small towns in 1936 when the Knuckles Brothers Show rolls into yet another town, ready to delight and dazzle the town folk with amazing acts and puzzling oddities. As they set up their tents they could not know that within days several of them would be dead, ripped savagely apart by a seemingly inhuman force, their souls stolen from their limp and bloody bodies. Meet Helen, the owner of the Carny, drugged out half the time, demanding all the time--is she, in her drug-addled haze, the killer? Meet Virgil, the Strong Man with a weak heart for Zoe, the fortune telling gypsy enchantress. Meet Ratty, Virgil's friend and the Snake Handler for the show -- a peculiar young man understood by few. Meet William Crowley, the Sword Swallower, who, along with Virgil and Ratty, investigates the mystery, but perhaps too late to escape the same grisly fate as his colleagues. What sinister force is slashing its way through this family of performers leaving a trail of blood and crumpled, torn, soulless bodies in its wake? Step up, step up, ladies and gentlemen, the show is about to begin..."
"After being abducted by an eccentric middle-aged man, Kate Walker, 30, awakens to find herself in a small chamber with wall-to-wall blood-stained cracked tiles. The room looks like it could be part of a long forgotten asylum, or worse. There is a large steel door on one wall. The door opens. Kate and 19 other people emerge from adjacent chambers. The group soon discovers that they have been abducted and placed into a nightmarish labyrinth where they are hunted for sport by unearthly demon-like creatures. Almost immediately, a man is dragged into the darkness by one of the beasts. Kate and the others frantically escape in the other direction. The hunt is on. Trying to find safety, they separate as they race down the corridors, only to be killed one-by-one. Soon the group is reduced to only a few survivors. During the chase, Kate is rescued by Jack. He claims he has been hiding from the creatures for weeks and thinks he has found a way out - but he needs Kate's help. Reluctantly, Kate agrees and together they attempt to escape from the labyrinth and the creatures. Kate and Jack maneuver their way through the labyrinth enduring evil traps, strange otherworldly environments and more creatures. Just when Kate and Jack think they are free, they find themselves confronted by the man who abducted them. He explains that our world is connected to the labyrinth, and he has made a pact with the creatures. As long as he provides them with fresh souls to hunt, the creatures will remain in the labyrinth and spare his life along with the rest of mankind. The deal must not be broken."
"In this classic retro horror film inspired by the H.P. Lovecraft short story "Cool Air", Sam (Thomas Calabro,Melrose Place), an aspiring writer, gets a job as a clerk in an inner city grocery owned by a mysterious Dr. Munoz(Shaun Kurtz). Dr. Munoz is a former scientist who claims to have a rare skin condition that forces him to live in sub-freezing temperatures. However, as Sam is later horrified to learn, Munoz died some time ago, but has kept himself alive through occult measures and the flesh harvested from his victims. After Sam befriends a neighborhood store owner Maria (Ashley Laurence, Hell Raiser) he finds himself facing death at Munoz's hands. With Detective Defazio (James Russo, Donnie Brasco) off track in his investigation Sam must decide whether he will join Munoz's unholy ranks to save his own hide - literally…."
Malaysia's first big-screen superhero flick, a record breaking action-comedy is set in the fictional city of Metrofulus, where a scientist inherits superpowers after an accident involving a house lizard. Shot in super-HD and boasting loads of computer effects, think Spider-Man done Asian lizard style.
"In a small town in 1967, plucky young sissy Phillip is about to celebrate his birthday at the beach cottage owned by his best friend Stan. All of Phillip's friends are gathered for the festivities, including Stan's hunky-but-impulsive boyfriend Billy, Billy's shy, nerdy cousin Joseph, and Randall, the chain-smoking, bitter queen of the bunch. Meanwhile, a horde of libidinous gay men - turned into ravenous flesh-eating zombies by toxic mosquitoes at a cruisy highway rest stop - are making their way towards our oblivious celebrants, eating every man in their path. With body parts washing up on shore and party guests disappearing, our heroes must find a way to stop the zombie onslaught. Will Stan keep the rotting corpses out of his spotless home? Will Joseph work up the courage to declare his love for Phillip? Can Billy keep it in his pants long enough to stay alive? And is Phillip's cheating boyfriend coming to the party to save them, or to eat them? No one is safe in this campy mix of classic B horror flicks and pre-Stonewall gay melodramas."
Sequel to last year's microbudget giant spider flick this time with mutant spiders accidentally unleashed in Las Vegas. They multiply into enormous creatures that devastate the casinos and invade the Las Vegas Strip. The army sends in Mecha-Destructor to annihilate the spiders. Mecha-Destructor, an enormous robot, attempts to impede the spider's rampage as tourists, gamblers and Hotel operators struggle to survive the onslaught of death and destruction. Can Mecha-Destructor stop the Creepies? Will anyone survive?"
Maxwell Caulfield stars alongside Star Trek: Voyager's Robert Beltran in this tale that sounds like someone spliced the plot to the 1946 George Zucco schlockfest The Flying Serpent - in which a man sought vengeance by controlling the Aztec winged serpent god Quetzalcoatl, which was about the size of a large bird - with that of the 1982 cult classic Q, The Winged Serpent - in which a giant-sized Quetzalcoatl terrorized New York City - to produce an entirely new movie about a young man given an amulet that can call upon a dragon-sized Quetzacoatl which he uses to get revenge on those who have oppressed his people. Of course when it comes to giant monster wrangling things can sometimes get out of the control of the person that thinks they're in control of the creature. Directed by Jim Wynorski.
"Gruesome murders of South African farmers spur reports of a possible "cryptid" - a creature previously discovered by science. The worldwide news coverage of the gruesome murder attracts an international team of scientists to the remote area which is considered by some to be the "cradle of civilization". In addition to the mystery revolving around the unknown creature, the movie also reveals the mystery of whatever happened to Lori "Tank Girl" Petty.
What this has to do with H.P. Lovecraft or Cthulu is anyone's guess. "A Seattle history professor, drawn back to his estranged family on the Oregon coast to execute his late mother's estate, is reaquainted with his best friend from childhood, with whom he has a long-awaited tryst. Caught in an accelerating series of events, he discovers aspects of his father's New Age cult which take on a dangerous and apocalyptic significance." Starring Tori Spelling - just as Lovecraft always envisioned it.
Curse of the Zodiac is one of those movies that I stumbled upon a DVD release listing for that aside from some DVD art, a brief synopsis, and the distribution company putting it out, there didn't seem to be any proof of the film's existence anywhere online. I go to IMDB and there's no listing; I Google the film's title and come up with nothing more than what I already knew - it becomes like a mystery that I must solve. No one has ever actually solved the Zodiac killings, but after I stumbled upon a listing for Curse of the Zodiac a week ago I've been determined to unravel this enigma. "Inspired by the true story of the Serial Killer who terrorized Northern California during the sixties and seventies. His use of cryptic symbols and coded messages fueled the police and media frenzy and made him one of America's most notorious unsolved cases." A movie with a title like Curse of the Zodiac, a synopsis that seems to indicate it will be set in present day with only the loosest of ties to the actual subject matter it's built around, and it's being released to DVD by Lionsgate: that's all I had to go on. My immediate reaction was, "This has got to be yet another Ulli Lommel flick." But wait a minute - Lommel already mined the Zodiac Killer subject matter two years ago in a movie called Zodiac Killer. He couldn't possibly be going back to the Zodiac well already, could he? I realize there's a big Zodiac movie coming out this week, but still... So I put on my Sherlock Holmes hat and decided to Google the movie's title together with you-know-who's name and, sure enough, according to AOL's Moviefone, Curse of the Zodiac is indeed another cheap quickie from serial killer schlockmeister Ulli Lommel, continuing his yen for movies based on or around real life serial killers. Mystery solved. And because it's a Ulli Lommel flick, odds are there really won't be any reason why I ever feel the need to watch it. But for those of you that do and on the off chance that maybe, just maybe, Lommel will pull a worthwhile movie out of his ass this time out, Curse of the Zodiac hits DVD shelves on May 15th.
"A
Cyclops, a ferocious, one-eyed giant and cannibal is captured and brought
back to Rome by Marcus, a centurion and popular war hero. The Cyclops
both terrifies and thrills the crowds at the Emperor's Victory Games
when he fights Rome's greatest and strongest gladiators, including Marcus
himself, who, as a result of the treachery of his jealous rival, the
Emperor's nephew is tripped of his rank and forced to become a gladiator.
Ultimately, Marcus and the Cyclops become allies and lead a rebellion
against the tyrannical Emperor and his corrupted nephew." Currently
in development from Roger Corman's New Concorde for the Sci-Fi Channel,
so don't expect to see its one eye anytime soon. |
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