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B-WARE
2007
TITLES K-R
KILLER BEES ON A PLANE
Just what the title says. No further details. No guarantee the movie will ever even get made.
"A giant 30-foot chameleon discovered by a rouge scientist in the jungles of Madagascar, escapes from a plane crash while being smuggled into the United States. Hungry, the giant creature goes on a rampage through the countryside, devouring everyone in its path and laying waste to small towns. The military, along with the scientist's daughter, must destroy the giant lizard before it reaches Los Angeles. In pre-production." NOTE: Artwork seen above is only temporary art and not a reflection of the movie to come. But it's still pretty damn funny!
"Written by Tim Cox and Brook Durham, the duo behind Mammoth, this tale ignites a battle befitting the legendary Knights of the Round Table a quest for the Holy Grail." A pursuit for the ages, the Knights must battle a formidable spider-dragon on the treacherous path to the Grail." Spider-dragon? Geez, I'm already envisioning some not-so-special computer effects for that one. My fingers are crossed anyways since Tim Cox seems to be a b-movie filmmaker with some potential. Go Tim! For the Sci-Fi Channel.
"Fifteen years ago Edwin the clown went to Bonzo Ranch Clown Camp to live his life long dream of bringing joy to the world. But nobody laughed. Edwin massacred the entire camp and vanished into legend. Now old man Bonzo is reopening the ranch, sparking a new wave of savage murders!" According to the profile of whoever is responsible for the film's MySpace page, she's a 23 year old bisexual Scientologist into swinging. That right there sounds like a Troma film unto itself.
"After her master is killed, a rogue FBI agent goes under cover into a world of violence, motorcycles, and deceit to discover the truth behind her samurai master's death. Not only does she find answers to her questions, but also finds her self in the middle of a power struggle between the DA and the head of a crime family." Features Gary Busey & Tiny Lister. I'm assuming neither are playing the title character.
LAKE PLACID 2 Another sequel heading for the Sci-Fi Channel before being released to DVD, this sequel to the quirky killer croc in a lake flick will have John Schneider and Chloris Leachman as potential croc bait. To be directed by the guy that gave us Boa vs. Python. Already scheduled for an April premiere date on the Sci-Fi Channel.
"When Sue's Grandpa doesn't return home from his annual hunting trip, she rounds up her friends to go find him. With the discovery of the shredded cabin and Grandpa Frank's journal, their rescue mission turns into a fight for survival. Be careful what you search for... IT MIGHT FIND YOU!" I'm not entirely sure what to make of this one. I've seen a pic of the title creature and it's a troll-like beast that looks like someone shaved the Grinch and left it out in the sun until it darkened and shriveled up like beef jerky.
"For Eddie Ayers (Adam Taylor Gordon), the summer does not start well. Already having few friends and a troubled relationship with his father (Ed Begley Jr.), Eddie sinks to new lows when he is humiliated by the local bully at Bear Scout camp. Returning home, Eddie has no idea how his fortunes are about to change. Inspired by an ancient Swiss legend, and with the help of camp counselor (Cindy Williams), his new friend Deena with her vast array of gadgets, and Deena's two skateboard-prodigy twin brothers, Eddie sets out to solve a mystery that catapults him on an unexpected, summer-long journey. Along the way, Eddie defeats the bullies, finds true friendship, and forever changes the power dynamics of his small town. In the end, he is forced to overcome the ultimate hurdle, his own self-doubt. The Legend of William Tell is a modern take on a timeless legend; a tale of friendship and self-discovery, a classic underdog story in its own right." Directed by Fred Oley Ray. Yeah, he does kiddy flicks too in addition to horror and Skinemax flicks.
Joe Estevez stars in this horror comedy about a man who is jilted by his wife and moves to the country where strange lights cause him to flip out. A car containing some lovely college kids breaks down nearby and bloodshed ensues.
Not being a viewer of the VH1 celebreality show Hogan Knows Best, I missed the episode where Hulk Hogan and his family were shown filming roles in this top notch family comedy. Say what you will about Hogan, he sure knows how to pick only the highest quality entertainment to appear in. Little Hercules - the film stars Richard Sandrak, that bodybuilder kid who was featured on 20/20 a few months back talking about how abusive his manager-father was, the same manager-father that was also secretly slipping steroids into his meals to make the tyke look that much more buff for public appearances. I notice the kid isn't nearly as muscular here as he used to be. Here he plays little Hercules (hence the title), who defies his father Zeus (Hulk Hogan, of course!) by leaving Mount Olympus for Burbank, California to get a taste of life as a hip-hop loving valley kid that gets into the occassional sword fight with bad guys. And, apparently, the movie is being shot in 3-D! I don't know why they did it in 3-D or where anyone will ever get to see the film in 3-D as I highly doubt this film will ever see the interior of a multiplex movie theater, but they shot it in 3-D anyways. And, boy, this thing has got quite the pedigree. Screenplay by the writer/director of Backyard Dogs, a movie about glorifying backyard wrestling that spent considerable time at #1 on IMDB's Bottom 100, and directed by a guy named Mohamed Khashoggi (Come on, with a name like that he should be a pro wrestler! I see him as a hybrid of the Iron Sheik and Haystacks Calhoun - an evil Muslim in overalls!), this future movie classic also stars Hulk Hogan, Brooke Hogan (Hulk's wannabe pop princess daughter), Nick Hogan (The fruit of Hulkamania's loins!), Linda Hogan (Mrs. Hulk Hogan), Elliot Gould (There was a time when this guy was a major box office star), Judd Nelson (The Brat Pack was a long time ago, huh?), Robin Given (You do realize her career highlight has been marrying and divorcing Mike Tyson?), John Heard (Say it ain't so, John!), and former WWE wrestler The Big Show as the evil Titan "Marduk," who's looking to dethrone Zeus. I say the Hulkster and the Big Show should resolve the battle for Mount Olympus using sumo monster trucks. And being that Big Show is playing a Greek Titan, this time it will make sense when he falls off the mountain and shows up 45-minutes unscathed with no explanation as to why he isn't dead. Sorry, obscure wrestling reference for the uninitiated. Even by dumb kiddy flick standards the trailer for Little Hercules makes it look absolutely atrocious, so much so it might actually end up being entertaining inspite of itself. Trainwreck would be the opportune word. See for yourself.
A man is gifted with a little devil figurine that turns out to be Satan himself. Naturally, bad things happen. Co-stars Dee Wallace Stone, Daniel Baldwin, and James Russo.
"A Hunter dressed in black. This cowboy-hat-wearing samurai-sword-wielding Priest (Tim Thomerson) is on a quest for blood. Vampire blood. He's out for revenge on a "clique" of four vampires who are traveling across country in search of "pure blood." The human blood stream has become polluted by drugs, alcohol, Aids, Diabetes, anti-depressants, cigarettes, anything that changes the blood even a small amount makes it undrinkable for Vampires, who, like hi-performance automobiles need "hi test" fuel=Blood in order to survive. This has started a sort of underground civil war between various groups of vampires and vampires themselves have mutated due to the pollution of their life blood. Live Evil is what is written on playing cards left behind on the bodies of dead vampires that this mysterious Priest/Hunter leaves in his wake as he gets closer and closer to our main group of vampires."
All his life schoolteacher Frank Sears has carried with him a strange scar given to him by his mother before she committed suicide. The markings lead Frank to a top secret Cold War military project where an unstoppable, malignant organism is unleashed. Unaware that the creature feeds on light and energy, and moves with exponential speed, the army prepares to deploy its most sinister of all weapons - a nuclear bomb. Facing certain global catastrophe, Frank discovers his father had a diabolical connection to the creature's origin. With a ticking nuclear clock, Frank, along with the help of a hazmat specialist Carrie Freeborn (Erica Leerhsen), must confront the grim reality that only he is capable of stopping this living hell. Stars Johnathon Schaech and ex-NYPD Blue star James McDaniel. Might be a Sci-Fi Channel original.
Okay, folks, choke on this synopsis: "James Murphey (Charmed's Brian Krause) is a rugged cryptozoologist, who thirty years earlier, during a trip to Loch Ness, Scotland, had a fatal encounter with the fabled "Nessie" creature that killed his father, and left James with deep facial scar. Twenty years later, James is hunting for Nessie, when his search leads him to the sleepy town of Pike Island, Ashburn, on Lake Superior. Hiring Josh Riley as his guide, James and Josh bond over their mutual scientific interests and deceased fathers, while James tries to convince Josh's mother, Sheriff Karen Riley, that the 60-foot plesiosaur is killing and breeding." Sooooooooo...... The Loch Ness Monster migrated to the US-Canada border? Something that loopy can only mean its a Sci-Fi Channel original movie, and it is. From the director of Sci-Fi's Snakehead Terror, Swarmed, and Android Apocalypse.
"A Luger handgun from the Second World War with dark and mystical powers is found in modern day Bucharest and unwittingly taken to London. En-route it falls into the hands of a fascist media mogul intent on using it's power to bring the return of the Forth Reich." Perrenial b-movie bad guy Richard Lynch plays - What else? - the bad guy in this production from the director of Pumpkinhead: Blood Wings and Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3.
"Kevin had it all; An exciting pyrotechnic job, a caring family, and a beautiful wife. That is until a late night encounter with the savagely blood thirsty Christine prompts him to slowly turn against his family and co-workers. Now, with the help of the quirky and questionable werewolf hunter Kwan, two families from two different cultures will unite for one common cause. Will Kevin betray the ones he loves in favor of the one he lusts?" Check out the trailer for this one. It looks like it could be cheesy cool or just cheesy bad. Stay 'til the end to see a really nice shot of a guy literally getting punched to the moon. But what's the deal with the werewolf that looks like a Shaggy D.A. version of the Yeti?
Some small towns hold many secrets. Two siblings and a newly settled doctor's family are about to find out this town's darkest secret...the hard way. The town folk are good and evil werewolves! And all things are not as they appear.
"Mil Mascaras is a renaissance man of international repute. He is a connoisseur of the arts, a scholar of science and humanity, and a masked wrestler. Like his fellow luchadores, El Santo and Blue Demon, Mil Mascaras is often called upon to assist the authorities in combating threats to mankind, whether they are seductive vampire women, lycanthropic madmen, or invaders from other worlds. However, no threat has ever been greater than that posed by the Aztec Mummy. In this story, the Aztec Mummy is resurrected by the power of the gem of Tonauac. Using its power, the Aztec Mummy is able to control the minds of men, even those of strong pedigree and erudition. Determined to lead the ascendancy of the Aztec nation over the descendants of its past conquerors, the Aztec Mummy conspires to manipulate men of power for his own ends. Whether Mil Mascaras can be corrupted by the influence of his undead adversary is not clear, but the answer hinges upon the secret of his mask -- a mask which has been passed down to him from his ancestors since time in memoriam." The flick promises to be a lucha film of many firsts for not only is it the first to ever be shot in HD, it is also the first ever filmed in English, and it was filmed in the decidedly non-Mexican land known as Missouri. Strange as it sounds, the "Show Me State" will be substituting for Mexico. In it, Mil Mascaras battles an Aztec mummy, robots, aliens, zombies, and the occasional wrestling match against an opponent that turns out to be anything but human; and one particular sequence will reportedly feature Mil Mascaras and one of the villains growing to Godzilla-sized proportions and fighting it out over a miniature city.
"Capturing the sadistic serial killer "The Wolf" was just the beginning for rookie cop Johnny Morgan. As he escorts the monster to his new home in the dark underground halls of Parker's Asylum, bedlam ensues and Johnny along with a handful of civilians become players in a night of survival against the world's most terrifying inmates." I don't know if the movie will be any good or not but the funky looking werewolf suit of armor the bad guy wears guarantees I'll check it out. Take a gander at the trailer and get an eye full of that weirdness.
"Who is The Minx?" That's the question everyone is asking in one of the headiest and most wildly inventive no-budget DV features you are ever likely to see. Linnea Chiang is a mild-mannered tobacconist by day and a masked master thief by night; like some modern day Robin Hood, the black vinyl-clad "Minx" robs large corporations and gives the money away to homeless people on the streets of Chicago. Over the course of the film's dazzling plot turns, Linnea develops relationships with two very different men: Joseph Van Zwick, the ruthless CEO of the corrupt "World Energy" company, and Edgar Alvarez, an idealistic young reporter for "The Windy City Weekly," Chicago's leading alternative newspaper. In an ironic twist, Edgar is assigned to write a story on The Minx, never dreaming that Linnea, the woman he has become romantically involved with, could be her alter-ego. As both of these men, as well as Chief Inspector Anthony Chiapetti of the Chicago police, begin to close in on The Minx's true identity, Linnea is forced to make a decision about her future that will affect the lives of everyone involved . . ."
If you thought Jesus Camp was disturbing then brace yourself for the horror of a documentary about live-action roleplayers! "Explore the national sub-culture of live-action role-playing gamers who act out their fantasies through imaginary characters. Discover a world built upon fantasy, chivalry, and imagination through a complex system of real costumes, potions, swords, and rules. At NERO, there is no religion and no god. When you die, only a special healer or spell might may be able to bring your character back to life."
When a young boy becomes lost on a deadly mountain, he soon finds himself battling mother nature and an evil monster in order to get home to his mom.
"Six college guys find out about a whorehouse in the middle of nowhere and decide to pay it a visit. When they arrive, it's everything they've wished for - and more! After pairing up with prostitutes, they split up and go to their rooms, only to find out what the hookers have planned for them. Apparently, their fathers raped Sally some time ago, and the friends are the ones who will have to pay for it." E.G. Daily (Remember her?) stars as the title femme fatale.
Mutant Vampire Zombies from the 'Hood!: Clearly a preposterously long title designed to try and give Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-A-Rama, A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell, and Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town a run for their money. Not quite, but a noble effort. "Set in the gang-ruled underbelly of L.A.'s streets, Mutant Vampire Zombies from the 'Hood! follows a group of inner-city survivors who fight to flee a city now infested with blood-sucking zombies after a solar flare of supernatural proportions." Yes, blood-sucking zombies are on the rampage in the hood and only C. Thomas Howell can save the day. For the record, Howell plays a cop and not someone living in the hood. Heck, Howell would never survive in the hood anyway. Once they found out about his black face stint in Soul Man, getting killed by blood-sucking zombies would probably be the least of his worries. Also joining him to fight blood-sucking zombies in the inner city is Greg Alan Williams, AKA the black guy riding the four-wheeler on "Baywatch".
"Cyril Bass is a good-hearted loser that works in a thankless corporate job where everyone takes advantage of him. His social life is also a total disaster; he holds a secret crush for his neighbor Callie but can't even muster a hello as they pass in the hallway. He has a very vivid imagination about how he'd wreak revenge on everyone that's done him wrong, but his morals and ethics keep those thoughts at bay. Cyril is constantly struggling with his darkest, most sinister side, his own demon. At his worst moment, Demon entices Cyril to release him, promising revenge, fortune, popularity, and any woman of his choosing. Cyril's life does an about face as Demon slowly takes over, people begin to see him differently as every opportunity opens up to him, and Callie finally takes an interest in him. Too much blood is shed as his decision to release his demon takes its toll; his life is slipping in a downward spiral out of his control. Now the police are hot on his trail for murders he didn't commit, Cyril must fight his demon to get his life back and save the girl." I'm looking forward to this one. Made by the same guy that did DOOMED and the trailer shows potential.
"Griffin Morrow is an otherwise unremarkable young man, until he inadvertently uncorks a pure and malevolent horror to rain hell on his famliy, his friends, and the the other residents of his town. As bad as that is, the evil is also vorociously hungry and immeasurably pissed off. An unseen, ageless, faceless agent of the dark dominion of the dead has crossed into our world seeking nothing less than the lives and souls of every living being - one at a time. Locked away for countless millenia, the Necronaut has found a way out of its prison and Griffin is the key. It will not be killed. It will not be destroyed. It will not be stopped. Moving only in darkness, the Necronaut is unseen by its very nature. It does not reside in darkness. It is darkness. It will be known by the signs of murder and the manner of its feeding. Residing in every dark shadow, under every bed, in every uninspected space, in every crack and cranny, the Necronaut will finally validate every young child's fear of the dark." Stars Phantasm's Reggie Bannister (He's turning up in more of b-movies these days than Lance Henriksen and Lorenzo Lamas combined) and the incomparable Joe Estevez
"Necrophobia is a grindhouse-style, supernatural action/horror flick that will plaster you to the walls. When a mysterious drifter reluctantly takes a job with a roadside haunted house, he quickly discovers that the attractions locked up in the basement are far more dangerous than plastic skeletons in rubber chains. Together with a mixed-up young woman in search for her lost nephew, and a host of liquored-up, live-remote radio deejays, Jerrod will have to solve the mystery of an ancient Egyptian amulet and face the wrath of the Angel of Death before he can be free of his curse: Necrophobia."
When aspiring rock musician Tony returns to his college town to make up with his estranged girlfriend Rosemary, he finds his life taking an unexpected turn to the dark side when he encounters a mysterious rock band, NEOWOLF, led by rocker Vince and his alluring band girl Paula. When Rosemary's best friend turns up dead, Rosemary seeks out Mrs. Belakov who knows the secrets of an ancient evil. Of course, that ancient evil is lycanthropy. Duh! Neowolf comes to us from French director Yvan Gauthier and screenwriters Alessandro De Gaetano & Michael January. Da Gaetano is no stranger to the werewolf genre having penned the screenplay to the 1995 direct-to-video flick Project: Metalbeast, in which Kim Delaney had to battle a military-engineered, metal-skinned, super werewolf played by Kane Hodder. In addition to stars Michael Frascino, Heidi Johanningmeir, Agim Kaba, and Megan Pepin, Neowolf also features an appearance by current reigning queen of screams, Tiffany Shepis, and veteran actress Veronica Cartwright who genre fans no doubt know from everything from The Birds to Alien and so on. The official website for Neowolf says "Coming Spring 2007" so maybe we won't have to wait too much longer before this were-band is ready to take the stage. You can check out the website and the film's trailer, which really does start out feeling like some MTV-produced teen drama before unleashing some werewolf-on-human action.
"In this mythical melee, Odysseus and his men battle Persephone and her deadly vampire beasts. Yep, a vampire origin tale is the lost passage from Homer's epic." This sounds more like a lost episode of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. Might as well go ahead and cast Kevin Sorbo in the role.
It wasn't until I happened upon info about the movie Ogre that it suddenly dawned on me that there really haven't been many movies made about ogres, at least ones that didn't involve a computer animated ogre voiced by Mike Myers. Something tells me the titular Ogre featured in the upcoming film from Steven R. Monroe (It Waits, Sasquatch Mountain) will not have a talking donkey sidekick or perform karaoke during the closing credits. Ogre is about a group of traveling teenagers who happen upon a small village named Ellensford, which I'm speculating is located somewhere within the United States judging by the American sounding character names listed on IMDB. The teens come to discover that none of the villagers ever age or get sick, and their crops are always plentiful. They also come to discover the horrifying reason why all this is - an ancient pact with an ogre living within a nearby mountain who requires an annual human sacrifice. I'm guessing one or more of the teens get nominated for this year's tribute and they have to battle both the villagers and the ogre to stay alive. Ogre stars Ginger Snaps' Katherine Isabelle, Ryan Kennedy (soon to be seen in the upcoming David Goyer flick The Invisible), and the incomparable John "the original Bo Duke" Schneider who I am guessing plays a village elder since he's a bit too old for teen roles. Currently in post-production, I'm under the impression that Ogre will be a Sci-Fi Channel premiere later this year given that Ogre was produced by Cinetel Films, a company that has done numerous Sci-Fi Channel original movies liked Cerberus, Caved In: Prehistoric Terror and (UGH!) Komodo vs. Cobra. The bigger question will be whether the ogre is a typical, unconvincing, Sci-Fi Channel CGI creation or a guy in a costume like the ones in Monroe's previous two creature features?
A man with a dark and violent past, who seeks revenge for the murder of his son. Sounds awfully generic? Well, what else would you expect from Steven Seagal. This time Seagal tries to earn his street cred by pairing himself with Undercover Brother Eddie Griffin, thus guaranteeing I never see this movie.
"An old game named "Mamba", with a mysterious past, falls into the hands of a group of students. After a good day of surf and a celebration interrupted by a storm, curiosity leads the group of young people to play although they do not know anything on it; neither its sinister origin, nor its inherent powers. The young people who lost in the game begin to suffer horrible deaths. One after another they start dying in strange circumstances. The survivors, terrified, are able to learn that these deaths are related to the game and its malignant force: "Those that participate in the game and lose will die; those that are able to win will be able to request a wish". Jason, the young North American who found the game and unconsciously introduced it between its friends, decides that he must risk his own life to undo the course of the game and to save his friends. In this task he will be accompanied by Erica, a beautiful surfer girl that he's just met and with whom he has fallen in love. Jason and Erica play again to try to win and to recover their friends through Mamba." Stars Eliza Dushku, so if you want to see Eliza Dushku in a bikini then you'll definitely want to check this out. I think they should change the title to Killmanji.
"Paper Dolls is a smart and terrifying psychological thriller set near the beautiful landscape of Glacier National Park, Montana. Two high school friends, Travis and Nate, are on a road trip to Canada when they're attacked by mysterious and vicious creatures. Nate is stolen into the woods and Travis will stop at nothing to get him back. Travis recruits Nate's older brother Chris to bring an arsenal and wage war against these monsters in an effort to retrieve Nate. Paper Dolls dishes out scare after scare, twist after twist, completely redefining the legend of Sasquatch. This movie will ultimately leave audiences in a psychological limbo divided on their theories of what really happened in the dark forests of Montana."
"Piranha in a water park." Teens breaking into a water park for Senior Skip Day are attacked by killer piranha and must get out of the park before the military's F16 fighters blow it up. In pre-production."
Family comedy about a group of modern kids magically transported to a buccaneer training camp run by real pirates, including Corbin Bernsen as "Hookbeard"
A routine flight from Las Angeles to Paris takes a turn for the horrific thanks to a renegade scientist on the run from the CIA transporting the body of a fellow scientist infected with a genetically engineered virus that transforms those infected into flesh eating zombies. Some seriously heavy turbulence results in the accidental unleashing of the flesh eating zombies scientist aboard the 746. I'm sure you can pretty much figure out where things go from here. I think describing Plane Dead as "Snakes on a Planemeets Return of the Living Dead" would be quite fitting. And the good news is that the advance word on the film has been pretty positive.
Designed to resemble a live-action video game, Press Start tells the story of a suburban youth in a videogame world who discovers his adventurous, if berserk, destiny when he's recruited by an ill-tempered ninja and a tough-as-nails space soldier to save the world from a tyrannical, but comically insecure, sorcerer."
How's about some good, old fashioned, rubber-suited monster mayhem? That's what Canuxsploitation filmmaker Bretty Kelly promises with this gore-soaked creature feature free of the scourge we call CGI. A monster resulting from a scientific experiment gets loose and terrorizes a group of sexy young campers as well as a team of weekend warriors.
"When five friends decide to getaway, they had no idea it would be their final camping trip together. The sole survivor is found criminally insane and charged with their murders, but he maintains his innocence and believes that aliens made him do it. His stories of what really happened on that fatal trip is later questioned by his psychiatrist...that is, until chilling evidence surfaces that his story may be the truth after all." Looks like it could be cheesy good or cheesy bad. The CGI greys definitely look cheesy.
"Sarah Mc Kinnis, a software engineer at a weapons factory, is accidentally shot in the head by a new type of riot control pistol. From that moment, her life becomes a nightmare. People appear to her as hideous aliens. She is the only one that can see these creatures. She tries to warn her normal looking supervisor, Ed Devon, but the evil space creatures massacre everyone at her laboratory. Sarah escapes with the riot control pistol. The aliens kill her sister in retaliation. She wages a lone war against the extra-terrestrial menace, shooting and killing the army of hideous, green skinned monsters from space. But, how can one woman stop this hidden invasion from the stars?"
"A small group of teenagers are trapped in a deserted movie theater and stalked by a crazed B-movie actress out to kill for the demise of her career."
"A crazed scientist experimenting with a rage virus on innocent victims in a laboratory in the woods. When his monstrous subjects escape and vultures devour their remains, they became mutations seeking to feed on humans." From Robert Kurtzman, director of the original Wishmaster and the Nicole Eggert/Richard Grieco masterwork of modern cinema, The Demolitionist. The Rage stars the great Andrew Divoff, Phantasm's Reggie Bannister, and Erin Brown (the softcore sex artist formerly known as Misty Mundae).
Despite a title that makes you think brings to mind an Indiana Jones knock-off involving zombies or vampires, Raiders of the Damned is indeed a zombie flick, but a para-military, post-apocalyptic one. And it stars Richard Grieco to boot. "21 Jump Street" was a long time ago, wasn't it? "Their bodies are rotting corpses, but their minds are still hideously alive! In the final days of World War III, an unleashed biochemical weapon rendered Earth a post-apocalyptic wasteland overrun by cannibalistic zombies. When a helicopter carrying a group of scientists -- humanity's last hope for survival -- crashes in zombie central, a military ops team led by Dr. Lewis (Richard Grieco) is dispatched to rescue them. Now it's up to the only soldiers still alive to fight the bloodthirsty zombies for control of the planet -- or die trying!" Image Entertainment will be release Raiders of the Damned to DVD on May 15th. DVD extras will include feature commentary with director-producer Milko Davis and executive producer Sandra Davis (What? No Grieco?), production & behind the scenes galleries, and a trailer. Speaking of trailers, you can check out the trailer for Raiders of the Damned by clicking here. Could be good cheese, could be bad cheese, but will most definitely be cheese.
"After serving 10 years for bank robbery, James, an ex-con with a chance at parole, is teamed with six teenage offenders in a rehab program designed to frighten the streetwise youths into going straight. They're dropped in an isolated forest to travel down river by raft. But someone, or something, doesn't want them to survive... Set against Australia's breathtakingly wild landscapes "Rapid Fear" is a fast-paced and exciting action thriller." Isn't there a law that states a movie with this sort of plot must star Kevin Bacon? I'm fairly certain there is. Find out how much this film suffers from being Bacon-less when it wipes out onto DVD May 29th.
Sequel to the Sci-Fi Channel stinker, this time featuring the likes of Vanessa Angel, Ted Raimi, Musetta Vander, and returning Steven Bauer (Who somehow survives having gotten eaten at the end of the original) to battle more velociraptors on a rampage.
Directed by ex-Jerky Boy Kamal Ahmed, this is the tale of a self-destructive rapper who believes demonic entities are after him. Debbie Rochon and Billy Drago co-star. Judging by the promo art, he appears to be ready to engage in a rap battle with My Demon Within.
"A young couple, Jake and Violet, are making a road trip through the desert to visit their family. Jake (John Fremont) is a washed up minor league baseball player who has had a run of bad luck, drives and old, worn-out pick-up truck, and carries his baseball bat with him everywhere he goes. Violet (Tanya Dempsey) is his attractive sidekick/girlfriend who has been with him through everything; however she still likes to remind him of his shortcomings of success in his career. As they make their way down the long deserted road they encounter an intimidating man (Richard Moll) who taunts them on the road while driving his supped-up hot rod, this enrages Jake, but he is unable to catch up to him, however, Jake sees the hot rod down the road at a unique biker bar. Jake enters the Biker bar and encounters a rough group of bar patrons. The bar tender, Sam (Sid Haig), hears of Jakes encounter and informs him of the legend of Jon Creadon (Richard Moll) and his ghostly hot rod that haunts this strip of the road. Soon finding themselves lost at an abandoned gas station with the eerie attendant Virgil (C. Thomas Howell), they encounter a creature that sniffs in them their worst fears and hunts them, a hyena named Razor. Now in an effort to rescue themselves from this terror, Jake and Violet find themselves in danger and trying to survive a night in this mysterious place being hunted by men who want them dead and a hyena that wants to do it for them."
What harm could there be in three feet of water? That is the question that the new slithering swamp monster flick Razortooth promises to answer. Something in the Florida Everglades is making a meal out of local animal life, including the alligators. The local animal control expert teams up with the lady sheriff to try and track down the culprit. Complicating matters is the local riffraff and a small group of college students whose teacher has taken them out on a trek into the swamp. Unbeknownst to any of them, the bayou has become infested with a new strain of eel that's super quick, boasts a voracious appetite, and is impervious to conventional weaponry. You better believe that people are next on its smorgasbord. While I admit that the trailer for Razortooth makes it look like something destined for the Sci-Fi Channel, I honestly think it looks more promising than the dreck Sci-Fi typically churns out. And I'm a sucker for a good swamp monster movie. A pity they changed the title though. Razortooth was originally entitled Ssslither - a much cooler title if you me. I suspect a certain theatrically released movie from earlier this year led to a title change. I'm also a tad disappointed that the monster eels don't look exactly like the cool looking maquette shown when I first reported on the film last November. Well, that was a preliminary design that was obviously changed before going into production. Still, I'm totally stoked for a killer eel flick. Bite me, Deep Shock!
"Successful businessman Richard Clarke is bitten by a beautiful vampire and is plunged into the dark world of the supernatural. Richard very quickly realizes that being undead isn't all that it's cracked up to be and must fight for survival, when a militaristic team of Vampire Hunters, the S.T.A.K.E. Team, discover his existence. Barely surviving, Richard's presence is brought to the attention of The Bleeders, a savage underground gang of Vampires bent on survival at all costs. All Hell breaks loose as it turns into a war for survival and no one is taking any prisoners. Let the bloodbath begin!" Writer/director/star Jeff Rector has overloaded the cast of Revamped with recognizable names: Martin Kove, Billy Drago, Sam J. Jones, Fred Williamson, Reggie Bannister, Vernon Wells, Dennis "Mr. Belding" Haskins, Deron "American Gladiator's Malibu" McBee, Carel "Lurch" Struycken, and Tane' "Cinemax After Dark" McClure. Sounds like a VH1 b-movie reality show cast just waiting to happen!
"An astronomer and a cryptographer uncover a series of ancient tunnels, unwittingly unleashing a deadly Sphinx. In order to trap the Sphinx back in its tomb and stop impending destruction, our explorers must solve a series of complicated and possibly deadly riddles." At the risk of being a pessimist, the description alone makes me think this will be a boring film. First of all, having to solve complicated riddles sounds like something that requires a little more thought put into the story than what we usually get. Be honest; no one has ever described any Sci-Fi Channel Saturday night original movie as smart. Secondly, the Sphinx really isn't a terribly interesting monster from mythology. I am a little curious as to which version of the sphinx they'll use. It's always described as having the body of a lion, but the heads range from human to ram to falcon. Heck, it's a Sci-Fi Channel production; they'll probably make it some scaly horned creature instead.
"What could compare to the torture of a trapped and lost soul? What could compare to the horror of existing one step closer to complete decay? Welcome to the next level in death; welcome to the place where reality has been bent inwards-out - where nothing is as it seems and where bliss and peace are things of the past. Welcome to the cage! These seven strangers all share the same wish, the same goal and the same reasons for being here. In this place, the only thing that matters is to avoid dying... or perhaps, to avoid staying alive for too long. When reality goes out and surreal nightmares are left in it's place, there's only one thing that is certain; pain."
"Plagued by uninsured patients, greedy insurance companies, heartless health care conglomerates, and stressed out doctors, the health care delivery system is on the verge of a total breakdown - and Jake Gorman couldn't be happier. The egomaniacal medical malpractice attorney has it all. His face adorns billboards, his ads run constantly on TV and radio, while his army of informants tip him off to profitable new cases. Suing doctors has made Jake a famous and very wealthy man. Jake never met a doctor he couldn't sue, until now. As a cost cutting measure at its hospitals, R.I.P Healthcare has developed the perfect doctor. MD 63 (a.k.a. Robo-Doc) is a robotic doctor whose data bank contains all the medical knowledge in the world, and therefore Robo-Doc CAN'T make a mistake. Robo-Doc was designed to save both money and lives. Success would bring flawless, affordable health care to all and spell ruin for Jake Gorman." One can only hope that this comedy is infinitely funnier than that horrendous slapped together production art makes it look. Given the fact that it stars the comedic talents of Alan Thicke, David Faustino, and Michael Winslow (Remember the noise-making guy from the Police Academy flicks?), I smell a malpractice suit.
The most expensive movie in The Asylum's history deals with a race of alien robots that has conquered the Earth and forced humanity underground. After three hundred years of domination, a small group of humans develop a plan to defeat the mechanical invaders in the ultimate battle between man and machine. A Leigh Scott production exploding onto DVD shelves sometime this summer.
"A high school teenage girl in America finds out that she is the last living heir to the Kingdom of Samarza. An assassin has been sent to kill the young princess while a noble guard has been sent to protect her." An action flick featuring Eric Roberts, the late Pat Morita, and former WWE turned TNA beauty Gail Kim. |
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