The inane ramblings presented here by Scott Foy (aka The Foywonder) are
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B-WARE
2007
TITLES S-Z
SCARABAEUS "During the American Civil War, a small band of Confederate soldiers desert the battle in search of buried treasure. Bitten by an ancient golden beetle, one of the men transforms into the giant mythological insect Scarabaeus hellbent on protecting the gold. Pursued by Scarabaeus, the deserters must join forces with enemy Union soldiers to defeat the giant creature while dodging cannon balls from the approaching battle. In pre-production."
"Sherlock Holmes investigates a wailing, soul-sucking ghost that turns out to be a banshee. Will Holmes be clever enough to find out the beasts secrets and stop its terrifying reign?" A Sci-Fi Channel produced Sherlock Holmes movie? This could either be tremendous, a disaster, or more likely, a tremendous disaster. What did I write just a moment ago about these movies not being smart and Sherlock Holmes is an intellectual property that requires some intellect. I will give them a shiny new nickel if they cast Lorenzo Lamas or Casper Van Dien as Sherlock Holmes. Wait, even better - Lorenzo Lamas as Sherlock Holmes and Casper Van Dien as Dr. Watson!
"Hell night. 1985. On a small,midwestern college campus, four men are executing a very important rite of passage. The panty raid. But something goes terribly wrong and one is left behind to fend for himself, thus beginning the legend of Zeta house. Now, more than two decades have passed, and we find five "Zeta" girls renting an off campus property for summer vacation. They are not alone. Crashing the party is their house mother, two disturbing caretakers and a group of beer swilling, wise-cracking frat boys, along with someone who is on the outside watching, waiting for their chance to join the fun!" No budget slasher comedy featuring no budget b-movie mainstays Joe Estevez, Reggie Bannister, and Brinke Stevens.
"A mockumentary on the rise of an exotic dancer turned martial arts action movie star Francis Allen Sledgewick, known as Frank Sledge to his millions of fans around the world. Traveling through bizarre acting classes, AA meetings, and archival footage of the films that made him a star, documentarian and obsessed fan Richard Orchid, follows the former dancer turned box office phenom as he tries to reignite the magic his career once had. It isn't until Frank makes amends with his best friend and dance choreographer that he finds the beat that made his films so spectacular. Filled with celebrity cameos as well as 70's, 80's, and present day action spoofs, Sledge: The Untold Story is a unique comedy that lays a satirical backdrop against the fascinating world of fame, fortune, and Frank."
A sludge monster terrorizes a group of Geology students in the secluded Montana wilderness. Look for a cameo by Tiffany Shepis.
"A shipment of rare poisonous snakes is lost in a truck crash near a nuclear waste facility. The plot twists sinisterly when the enormous mutant snakes converge upon the movie set of a horror film featuring snakes and a famous ex-porn star." No other info other than the film's announcement last year. Really no guarantee it will even happen.
In the upcoming Sci-Fi Channel original, a mud monster rises from the depths of a Shining-type hotel, terrorizing the guests with their own paranoia and revisiting the past and future in nightmarish apparitions. Father Douglas Middleton, an Episcopalian priest, is summoned to put an end to the evil mud monster's reign of terror. And who will be playing this man of God called in to battle evil's muddy incarnate? Kevin Sorbo. Kevin Sorbo is not the sort of guy I would envision in the role of a priest, not even one destined to battle a demonic entity composed of sewer muck. The casting of the former TV "Hercules" and big screen Kull the Conqueror may also have to do with Something Beneath being directed by David Winning, who directed Sorbo after having worked together on Gene Roddenberry's "Andromeda". I'd suggest they change the title to Father Hercules vs. The Evil Mud but nobody ever listens to me.
Shockingly, this has nothing whatsoever to do with the whole evolution vs. creationism debate. "When a young pledge dies during initiation, her sister and brother conspire to have their revenge on the reckless college students responsible for her death." I anticipate the sequel will be called Something's Still Wrong in Kansas.
Let's face it; the whole political process has a stink to it akin to a pig wallowing in its own filth. For those of you that feel that way I may have just found the candidate for you. I'll just quote the synopsis as I really don't think there's any better way to explain it: "Melvin Babirusa for Senate! The cry goes out far and near, and it sounds suspiciously like the squeal of a pig. That's because Melvin is a pig. He's rude, obnoxious, and inconsiderate. He stuffs his face with lousy food, swears up a storm, lies like Pinocchio on crack, and accepts a bribe where ever and when ever possible. And believe it or not, things are about to get worse. While taking a strip-joint break out on his campaign trail, Melvin picks up a curse after eating a plate of suspicious baby-back ribs. Groaning, writhing, and defecating Melvin transforms into a vicious warthog-man, who plows a furrow of death and destruction through the rural farming community of Haslet. It's up to the heroic town Sheriff and his able Deputy to investigate the nasty goings on. Unfortunately, it's hard to distinguish between the nasty deeds of the warthog-man and those of the local idiots. But Mrs. Strickland knows. Can this righteous woman save her community? Will the not-so-right Reverend step in with his miraculous powers of prestidigitation? Will charming young Mary Beth, the diner waitress, keep abreast of the piggish manners exhibited by passing would-be senators? And what of Melvin? The good news is his poll numbers are up. The people seem to like him. They relate to his "every day Joe" persona. Will he win the election? People; be careful who you vote for. He might just bite you in the ass. The movie-to-be is entitled Sooey! Sounds a bit Troma-esque (which can be either a good thing or a bad thing) but it definitely sounds like something so odd that I really want to see it happen. You don't find too many films that fall into the horror-political satire hybrid, certainly not any that are based around human-warthog hybrids. With any luck we'll be hearing more about this bizarro sounding motion picture in the near future. According to Fantastic Films International's website, shooting of $14 million production is set to begin sometime this year. The campaign manager behind Sooey! is writer-director-producer Jurgen Heimann, who previously helmed the twisted puppet short Puphedz: The Tattle-Tale Heart, and had done various FX work on such Hollywood blockbusters as Hellboy, Blade II, Men in Black, Team America: World Police, and Robot Jox. Robot Jox… He's already got my vote!
After driving me the brink of wanting to strangle him after making the scam masquerading as a movie that was Komodo vs. Cobra, it's actually nice to see Jim Wynorski returning to the T&A slasher movie genre. Produced by Roger Corman's New Concorde (with whom Wynorski has done similar films for like Sorority House Massacre II and Hard To Die), now comes Jim Wynorski's Sorority House Slaughter! It seems they originally hoped to make this Sorority House Massacre 3 but that didn't work out for some reason. Just drop the numeral, change "massacre" to "slaughter," and you get instant movie magic. Close enough. The
plot of the film has to do with a reincarnated sorority girl returning
to earth to avenge her death at the hands of her former sorority sisters.
Thank goodness for that one sentence description otherwise I'd have
had to describe the plot as having something to do with a girl that
can shoot lightning, a psychotic slasher preying on woman that look
a bit too old to playing college coeds, and tons of female nudity -
sometimes in the form of a lesbian sex scene. At least that's all I
could figure out from watching the jumbled, nudity-filled trailer for
Sorority House Slaughter that had been briefly up at Google Video website
of all places. The amount of nudity was no surprise given that the cast
reads like a who's who of Playboy and Cinemax After Dark vixens: Katie
James, Nikki Nova, Kitana Baker, Deanna Merryman, Stormy Daniels, Nikki
Fritz, Charlie O'Neale, Samantha Phillips, and I believe I may have
spied Brinke Stevens there at the beginning.
Despite most of us suffering from bad vampire movie burnout, personally, I think Soul's Midnight has a great premise: taking the famous legend of Saint George and the Dragon and putting a vampiric spin on it. The film also has an interesting pedigree behind it. Written and produced by relative unknowns Brian and Jason Cleveland, the executive producer behind is Gray Frederickson, Oscar winning producer of all three Godfather films and Apocalypse Now. But as for that premise, I'll just quote the synopsis on the American World Pictures website: "In the 12th century Saint George vanquished a creature of extraordinary evil. As time passed, fact evolved into legend and the true story of Saint George and the Dragon was buried in time... Charles, a descendant of Saint George, and Alicia, his pregnant wife, are a happy couple that travels to a sleepy Midwest town to attend his estranged father's funeral. Their holiday turns to terror when..." Pardon me for interrupting the synopsis but I really have to question the person that wrote worded this synopsis. "Their holiday..?" This couple has made this trip to attend the husband's father's funeral. That hardly sounds like a "holiday" trip to me. Back to the synopsis: "Their holiday turns to terror when an eccentric hotel owner, Simon (Armand Assante), reveals his thirst for blood. As leader of a vampire cult, he has lured them to his hotel with the intention of capturing their unborn child. As a descendant of Saint George the child possesses untainted blood and will be sacrificed in a ceremony that will resurrect The Dragon - the world's original vampire!" Like I said, I totally dig the premise. The promo art ain't to shabby either. Unfortunately (Why must there always be an unfortunately?), I then watched the trailer for Soul's Midnight and it really doesn't do the film any favors, unless the idea is to make it look like as generic a vampire/devil cult horror flick as possible. You do get a brief glimpse at the neat-looking, gargoyle-esque Dragon, but mostly you get generic vampire shtick and the all the stuff you'd expect from a "satanic cult is after my unborn baby" flick, not a whole lot of the Saint George tie-in that's really what could and should set this movie apart from similar films of the genre. I really hope this was just a poorly cut trailer and not a reflection on the film overall because I really do think the initial premise holds much potential. Feel free to check it out; you'll have to scroll down a little to find the film's entry on the site.
"When a zombie plague infects Camp Special Dude, a dude ranch for the mentally handicapped, a ragtag band of campers and counselors struggles to survive the night. Led by the indifferent, nunchuck-wielding head counselor, Mac, and his wheelchair-bound sister Dale, the unlikely heroes fight their way off the mountain as, one by one, they're picked off and join the ranks of the walking dead. It's a campy stampede of blood, boobs, and gore as some "very special" people show that they can kick some serious undead ass."
"Ivan Haswell II is the only child of the wealthy newspaper tycoon K.K. Haswell. Young Ivan decides not to follow in his father's footsteps, but rather take on the precarious life of a professional gambler. Soon he would wear out his welcome and be banned forever on the famous Las Vegas strip. He would then open a gentlemen's club for the elite. SportKill was born in 1997, which catered to the man that has seen and done it all. Rachel had a simple life of making the recently deceased look presentable on their last days on earth. Rachel finds out quickly that her life would soon change after being abducted into this eccentric gambling club. Would you inflict harm on another because you were told to? Director Craig McMahon (Machined) takes us into the underground world of high stakes betting known as SportKill."
"A sleepover party during spring-break turns deadly for six beautiful sorority co-eds. Stanley Peterson, convicted serial killer, has escaped from maximum security prison. It's up to the college cuties to unravel the mystery of their assailant before the night is over."
"Stagknight is derived from the uncensored lusty straight-to-Drive-In horrors of the 70's and 80's, I Spit on your Grave, The Beast, Samurai Assisan, movies that spawned the mighty Evil Dead, American Werewolf in London, later Aliens. Set deep in dark mythical English woods Stagknight presents a uniquely stupid look at this genre through the cracked "Weekend Warriors" paintball team. This is mansville not boytown on a blow-out bachelor paintball weekender bender of dirty tricks, hot babes and truly splatter-tastic medieval kills to die for."
A computer goes haywire at a nuclear power plant as it's being ravaged by a powerful hurricane. And here I thought Hurricane Katrina was bad. At we managed to avoid any potential China syndromes with that one. Fred Olen Rey is at the helm of this disaster flick starring Jack Scalia, Jamie Luner, and the Buck Rogers reunion of Gil Gerard and Erin Gray.
When the Florida Panhandle is hit by a "Category 5" hurricane, the President of the United States has no choice but to reactivate the Florida Militia to restore order in the region. In their quest to restore stability to an unstable area, the Militia is ordered to 'shoot looters'. When one of the looters tracked down and shot is the grandson of a Voodoo Queen, all hell breaks loose as she seeks revenge on the Militia.
"When a retired Army Captain turned High School professor reaches his breaking point, the unimaginable happens as he transforms from a mild mannered teacher into a highly trained psycho killer." Well, this certainly a change of pace from all the hot chick teachers sleeping with their students.
"It's the 1980s and a group of high school kids are getting together to hold a séance in a haunted house off the old highway. All the typical 80s horror movie characters are there: the cool hero, the innocent girlfriend, the goth chick, the tough guy, the beautiful blonde girl, the shy guy in love with the beautiful blonde girl, a couple of lipstick lesbians and two big geeks. In true 80s horror movie fashion, weird things start happening around the house. . . people are dying preposterously bloody deaths, girls are getting naked for no apparent reason and people walk into pitch black rooms and say things like, "Is someone in here?" As the poor, hapless kids are sliced and diced, it's up to the remaining few survivors to either figure out that this will all be over if they just walk out the front door and leave the haunted house or stay and face the mysterious killer once and for all!"
Adam is a filthy rich college kid from the Hollywood Hills on the prowl in Cancun for Spring Break. After having his way with numerous bikini-clad babes, Adam sets his sights on a bombshell named Lilith. He wines her, dines her, beds her, and then takes off with no plans to ever see or speak to her again. Adam returns home to his unsuspecting girlfriend and life of luxury unaware that Lilith has followed him with malicious intent. While having an unstable sexual conquest going all Fatal Attraction on you might be bad enough, it's doubly bad when the girl you decided to play "love'em & leave'em" with turns out to be a succubus, a fallen angel turned demoness. Here's what's so great about this premise. You've got this demonic succubus who's been walking amongst us for eons and yet she can still get duped by a horny Spring Breaker just looking to score. That's awesome! Written and directed by former "In Living Color" staff writer Kim Bass, Succubus: Hell Bent stars newcomer Robert L. Mann as Adam and former Coors Light Girl Natalie Denise Sperl as the titular succubus. Other notables include Kelly Hu as an LAPD Homicide Detective following the trail of bodies Lilith leaves behind, David Keith as Adam's billionaire father, Lorenzo Lamas as a flight instructor, and Gary Busey as the mystery man who may hold the key to Adam's salvation from Lilith's wrath. Wait a minute... You mean to tell me that Adam is supposed to be the good guy? I think a lot of people - women especially - would argue that Adam's only getting what he has coming to him. Go Lilith! You can check out a small version of the trailer over at the film's website or a larger sized version currently up on You Tube. I personally think it gives off a late 1980's horror flick vibe to it - and I don't mean that in a negative way either. When you're done watching the trailer you can also have some fun playing a video game up on the film's website that's unlike any game tie-in I've ever seen on a movie's website. It's a first person shooter where you have a video camera and a mystical firearm. You use the weapon to fight off the succubus' floating head while you use the video camera to get a variety of bikini girls to go wild and pop their tops. I think it goes without question that this game is Not Safe For Work.
"Six friends venture their way to a weekend cabin resort for what they think will be the time of their lives. Drunken debauchery and good times ensue when their fun is suddenly slashed short by a backwoods hick who thrives on the taste of human flesh."
In this non-stop action adventure from The Asylum, an elite military unit must stop a giant amphibious creature from reaching Los Angeles.
Roger Corman produced this future Sci-Fi Channel original starring Brad Johnson and Kelly McGillis that was originally intended to be Dinocroc 2. A huge prehistoric alligator, recreated from fossil DNA by a brilliant scientist working for a genetic bioengineering research company secretly in Mexico, escapes when a dormant volcano suddenly erupts and starts attacking unsuspecting tourists in an upscale resort. An expert monitoring the volvano and his journalist girlfriend join forces with the scientist and a Texas alligator hunter to pursue the alligator.
Can't find any actual plot synopsis, but in this case I'd guess the promo art pretty much tells you more or less everything you need to know.
"A chief physician at a large metropolitan hospital is formulating a serum to resurrect recently deceased patients. When his facility comes under inspection from the Federal Government, the good doctor is forced to dispose of the patients as quickly as possible, even though he doesn't know if the serum will be a success. Little does he know, the serum works and the test subjects begin to rise from the shallow graves of the swamplands. It will take a select few to try to stop the wrath of the Swamp Zombies, but can they stay alive while doing it?" Stars former ECW wrestler The Blue Meanie, ex-porn star Jasmine St. Clair, and ultimate fighter Dan "The Beast" Severn. On DVD in May.
If you thought all the (BLANK) ON A PLANE silliness had finally come to an end - think again, bucko! Here comes Swarm, which could also be called Ants on a Plane! And they're not just any kind of ants... Nope, they're bullet ants. Never heard of bullet ants before? Described as stout, reddish-black, wingless wasps that can grow up to an inch in length, bullet ants get their name because the pain caused by their sting is said to be equal to getting shot with a bullet. The pain from a bullet ant sting is ranked by scientists as the most painful in all of the insect world and the pain lasts a minimum of 24 hours. In other words, not something you want to get trapped in a plane full of. Ugly looking suckers too! An American tourist on a commercial plane flight heading home from Columbia unknowingly brings aboard a swarm of dangerous bullet ants. Fortunately, there's an entomologist on board. There's something you rarely hear yelled in a movie, "Is there an entomologist on board?" Anyway, a sexy entomologist played by Nip/Tuck and Heroes hottie Jessalyn Gilsig must use all of her insect knowledge to save the flight, assisted by a Federal Air Marshall played by soap hunk Antonio Sabato Jr. All the while the U.S. government tries its best to keep the plane from landing on American soil and potentially allowing the insect menace to spread to our shores. According to TV Guide, Ants on a Plane... I mean Swarm - an ultra generic title that is in desperate need of a change to something more fanciful - is slated to premiere on TV later this summer and, shockingly, not on the Sci-Fi Channel, but on the Lifetime Network. A nature gone amok movie for the Lifetime crowd? I suddenly have a bad feeling this is going to be more melancholy and mundane than the cheesy fun one expects from a Snakes on a Plane knock-off about vicious ants on an airliner. ANTS ON AN AIRLINER... Okay, Lifetime, there's your new title. Make it happen!
"With three sullen daughters in tow, a hapless father returns to his hometown only to discover the residents are under attack by genetically-engineered snakehead fish. Inspired by the 2002 invasion of a Maryland pond by the carnivorous, air-breathing Asian fish." Looks very campy and potentially oodles of fun, albeit perhaps a little too Troma-esque at times - definitely one that may be worth looking into. Check out the YouTube trailer and see for yourself.
"When a San Francisco detective goes hunting for the cruel Asian crime figure who killed his partner, he finds himself thrown into the center of a violent plot to steal a terrorist weapon. Ty Nelson is a detective haunted by the violent death of his partner at the hands of Choy Muk, the leader of the Triad Dragons-- a violent, fanatical Asian gang operating in San Francisco. Nelson finds a mysterious clue after ending a heart-pounding chase through Chinatown alleys with the near-capture of a deadly, though beautiful Lieutenant of Choy's. But his captain has had enough of Nelson's single-minded obsession with Choy, and puts the haggard detective on leave. Nelson refuses to give up. Following a hunch, he finds himself in the center of a furious firefight as Choy and his gang try to hi-jack a diplomatic convoy carrying a priceless art treasure that has just landed at Edwards Air Force Base, bound for Los Angeles' Getty Museum. Nelson joins the running gun battle on the side of the LAPD special tactics unit assigned to baby-sit the shipment. It isn't art that Choy is after, but a new device stolen in China that has been smuggled with the shipment-- a device that would bring millions on the terrorist black market-- and he will stop at nothing to capture it." A generic looking action flick with a cast consisting of Frank Stallone, Ed Lauter, James Russo, James Lew, and Branscombe Richmond; how can you possibly go wrong? Wait, don't answer that question. Watch the trailer then answer that.
"Top secret government experiments with time travel have been shut down and declared as too dangerous to continue. The lead scientist has disappeared with the technology and a government manhunt is underway. When his name appears on an airline manifest after the flight has departed, the government orders the plane to turn back. But the plane drops from the radar, disappearing into thin air! As special agents try to locate the plane, scientists must deal with the repercussions from the time ripples that threaten to destroy the Earth." Jason Priestly and Lou Diamond Philips - together at last - in this Sci-Fi Channel bound flick.
"Sanford Denton will forever be a socially inept loser. Always the target of bullies and approaching his 40th birthday, his only girlfriend of 3 years gives him the boot. Stuck in a dead-end job, no ambition, and on the edge of a breakdown... he begs his last living relative, Uncle Alistair, to take him in. Alistair keeps to himself and and is not very fond of his sheepish nephew. But, due to failing health, he accepts Sanford into his home... hoping to enlist him to take on the "family business" when he passes away. The "family business" is staving off a pack of ravenous ghouls that dwell in the thick woods surrounding the estate, and they crave human flesh. When Uncle Alistair passes away, Sanford is now in charge of the grisly task. However, Sanford decides to "train" the devilish creatures to do his bidding... exacting vengeance on those that have humiliated time and time again. When demons are hungry for blood... They Must Eat! " From the makers of Mr. Jingles... I'll try not to hold that against them. Looks like it could be fun or terrible.
"Action horror flick about a hippie college student who finds himself in the middle of a battle between vampires and a group of warlocks called Sentries. Will is bitten by a seductive vampire and must come to terms with his new state of being." Features the likes of Tony Todd, Jason Connery, and C. Thomas Howell. Looks like it could be decent, or at least better than the typical direct-to-DVD vampire dreck.
"A group of young people, called Foragers, fight to survive against a band of vicious cannibals, known as Rovers, in a post-apocalyptic world which has been depleted of fossil fuels." A little Mad Max, a little The Hills Have Eyes, and a little of what Roger Ebert likes to call a "Dead Teenager Movie" all spliced together - sounds good to me. It stars the potentially inebriated Michael Madsen, X-Men: The Last Stand's Vinnie Jones, Bully's Rachel Miner, Revenge of the Nerds' Robert Carradine, "Boy Meets World" co-star Rider Strong, and Dawn of the Dead's Michael Kelly.
The makers of Lost Skeleton of Cadavra present their follow-up, this time done in the vein of 60's Technicolor sci-fi and presented in what they are billing as... "CraniaScope". I don't know about this one - might be a little too out there for its own good. "Alien foreheads have invaded earth while at the same time a scientist discovers that the centre of human intelligence is in the forehead. After the scientist uses her boyfriend as a guinea-pig for a serum she has developed his forehead expands so that it dominates his face! The film culminates in a battle between the forehead from earth and the alien..." Interestingly enough, I recieved a few anonymous emails last year from someone with ties to the production talking about how the Sony producer overseeing the production didn't "get it" and was actively sabotaging the film in order to make it into something they considered more papatable to mainstream audiences.
"It's the last week of summer vacation and the beginning of an amazing adventure for two rival groups of kids competing for control of Painted Forest. After stumbling upon an ancient myth about treasure buried deep in the forest, they are challenged by a couple of "not-so-bright" thieves' intent on finding the gold for themselves. If they are to deal with these bad guys, first they must realize that fighting each other isn't worth it. They will need to band together to save the real treasures that are all around them."
"Michael, an American professor teaching history at Moscow University, finances his passion for treasure hunting with competitive street racing. His racing nemesis Wolf becomes his ally as they both embark on a quest to search for a famous ancient Russian treasure." So it's The Fast & The Furious meets Tomb Raider? Woohoo! Toss in David Carradine and Sherilyn Fenn for good measure.
"It's the night before Christmas and Gabe Snow, a tabloid writer haunted by the Ghosts of Christmas past, is investigating a Yule Tide conspiracy. Gabe knows that Flight 1225 was brought down one foggy Christmas Eve, by a flying creature with a "glowing nose". Now, a blood-sucking Vampire - Santa Claus - has put Gabe on his list and unleashed the demonic fury of the North Pole. An army of zombie elves, who have no interest in Toys or pointy hats or dentistry, are about to turn Gabe's white Christmas blood red. Will Gabe find the true meaning of Christmas? Can he stake a heart that's two sizes too small? What will he find under his tree?" In spite of its very low budget origins, this looks like one of the most wildly inventive flicks I've come across in a long, long time. I cannot wait to see how the final product turns out. Check out the website and be sure to take a look at the (tiny) trailer.
I'm guessing it has something to do with Aztecs and a T-Rex or a T-Rex running amok in Mexico. If we're lucky, maybe it'll be a T-Rex in a Mexican wrestling mask. Currently in pre-production for the Sci-Fi Channel from the guy that gave us Gryphon.
"The earth is about to be exterminated by a huge army of aliens so deadly that you would Poo Poo ya pants if you saw then. The plant's only hope lies with a Super Being known as The Geisha, whose blood is mixed with the blood of Jesus Chirst (Yeah the one from those make believe plays) and her protectors of looney toons known as the Alien Hunters Six. With their I.Q. of 2x2 equals 2,888 yen, these Jag Offs must protect the Chosen One and unleash the all powerful weapon that could annihilate the aliens and save the world. The problen is...Stupidity is their middle name." Troma-esque no budget nonsense that even features a cameo by Troma honcho Lloyd Kaufman (as if that's really a rarity these days).
"Army deserter Elmer Winslow (Desperate Housewives' James Denton) and local cowboy Luke Budd are on the run after robbing the evil Sheriff Claypool, stealing his money and fleeing the town, they find themselves with an angry posse on their trail. Joining Elmer and Luke is an Apache warrior, who's out to wreak vengeance on behalf of her decimated people; her plan is to attack the U.S. Army wherever she can find it, and she takes Elmer up on his offer to go with her to the nearest Army outpost he knows. Their plans become complicated when they discover that, as a result of the great Apache Geronimo's curse on the white man, all the people of the surrounding areas have turned into zombies."
"After a sinister crash on the highway in a small New Mexican town, people start disappearing and animals and nature begin dying. The sheriff investigates, only to actually witness a killer creature and realizes that the creature is the reason for the disappearances and deaths. After surviving an attack, The sheriff and others try to survive the creature and being killed." This creature feature stars rising b-queen Emmanuelle Vaugier and rising b-king Luke Goss.
"Martha, a widow living in rural Pennsylvania, comes home to find her daughter about to blow her own head off with a shotgun in the basement of their house. Martha doesn't succeed in stopping her child's horrific demise, but the girl's death gradually leads the grieving mother to investigate a conspiracy that involves a legendary local witch, Nazi dabbling with the occult, and secret government experiments, with the story even referencing the fabled Philadelphia Experiment." Starring Adrienne Barbeau and Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Nicholas Brendan.
Well, it's not quite C.H.U.D. 3, but close enough. Just not enough movies featuring mutant, man-eating sewer urchins called "Pusshead" in my book. "Cab driver Stan slams into a homeless man, who gets up and walks away, leaving behind a scarf covered with writhing maggots. Obsessed with the mystery, Stan hunts the ragtag figure through the city, discovering a trail of mangled, half-eaten victims, and an urban legend: "Pusshead" was a sewer worker who came back from an uncharted tunnel changed into something both living and dead. Parents warn their children that the shuffling zombie will get them if they stay out on the streets too late... But as the body count rises, Stan finds that the legend is alive and well... hungry" The low budget gorefest stars Dean Cain, Meat Loaf, Brooke Burns, and Tim Thomerson - none of whom play Pusshead.
"All the myths about vampires are just that. Crosses, holy water, garlic-they do absolutely nothing! The only thing that can kill a vampire has been injected into Quinn, a rough and rugged hillbilly with a chip on his shoulder. Now he is wanted by both vampires and those who want to destroy them. Quinn's only hope of survival is Karel, a renegade vampire warrior who does the unthinkable--she falls in love with him."
VAN HELSING 2 Could Universal actually make a direct-to-DVD sequel to the Stephen Sommers mega-turkey replacing Hugh Jackman with Julian "Metrosexual Corporate Doctor Doom" McMahon. Only a rumor at this point.
"A superhero adventure where a young boy has to fight an evil menace that could destroy the earth when Veritas, his favorite comic book hero, comes to life to seek his help! Kern (Brett Loehr, "Identity," TV's "Cracking Up," TV's "Everwood") is a 14-year-old boy who loves to escape by reading the comic-book adventures of his favorite hero, Veritas: Prince of Truth (Sean Patrick Flannery, TV's "The Dead Zone," "Powder," "The Boondock Saints"). Unfortunately, the comic-book and the superhero are not as popular with the rest of the world and Veritas' cancellation is looming. To save himself and his comic-book world, Veritas leaps from the pages and enters the real world, asking Kern for his help. It is a chance of a lifetime for Kern, who is challenged to become a hero himself! Kern enlists his best friend Mouse (Tyler Posey, "Maid in Manhattan," "Collateral Damage") and his mother Marty (Amy Jo Johnson, TV's "Felicity," "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers") to assist him and Veritas in their quest. Together, the four of them embark on a journey to save Veritas' planet Kleet, unaware that his shape-shifting arch-enemy, Nemisii (Kate Walsh, TV's "Grey's Anatomy," "Kicking and Screaming"), has followed him to Earth with plans of destruction for both worlds!"
Name-only, straight-to-DVD sequel to the 1983 anti-nuclear war flick this time has a computer hacker named Will Farmer who engages a goverment super-computer named Ripley in an online terrorist-attack simulation game. Little does Farmer know that Ripley has been designed to appeal to potential terrorists, and certain glitches have turned made him become paranoid.
"Set in the fictional third world country of Canpuna, 'Werewolf in a Womens Prison' is the story of Sarah, when camping with her boyfriend, is attacked by a werewolf. She wakes up in a corrupt prison only to find out her boyfriend has been torn apart and she is the only suspect. Forced to do things only found in a prison populated only by women it's only a matter of time until that strange bite starts to take effect."
"Based on the recently acquired journals of Texan Dale S. Rogers, this vintage horror tale debunks history books to tell the veracious, harrowing story of a rural Texas community whose residents were terrified for years by a mysterious creature inhabiting the nearby woods." Director Duane Graves describes his Sasquatchploitation flick as an attempt "to create a '70s-style horror film from the good old days when the scariest movies were reputed as gory, but actually had very little." Funny, usually when you hear someone praise 70's-style horror these days it's purely about how great and gory the grindhouse flicks were.
Cine Excel Entertainment - Producers of Reptilicant, The Abominable, Gi-Ants, Magma: Earth's Molten Core and other z-grade entertainment that will probably be absolutely terrible but I'm still dying to see with my own two eyes anyway because they just look like mega-cheesy greatness, and God only knows when any of them will ever see the light of day. Now I can add Wildcat to that ever growing list. What is Wildcat? Best I can tell it's one of those Jekyll & Hyde/werewolf hybrid movies with a touch of Species thrown in for good measure, only the catch is that the female lead finds herself afflicted with a condition that causes her to transform from a lusty & busty babe to an uber-horny & busty babe with a feline face that's determined to mate and kill, not necessarily in that order. Outside of the promo artwork and the trailer provided by Cine Excel's website, there doesn't seem to be any other online proof of the film's existence. Cine Excel doesn't even have a plot synopsis available on their site and that's really odd considering they're the kings of providing long, overly detailed plot synopses that often gives away entirely too many details about the actual plot. All I can tell you is what the trailer told me AND YOU REALLY OWE IT TO YOURSELF TO WATCH THIS TRAILER! I honestly cannot think of the last time I watched the trailer for a z-grade flick like this and laughed as hard as I did at some of the stuff seen here. Actually, come to think of it, The Abominable was the last time I laughed this hard. Folks, just trust me on this one when I tell you that you need to see this trailer. It's only two and a half minutes out of your life and it will most likely give you the heartiest laugh you'll have all day. I will warn you that the trailer isn't particularly safe for work and if you've ever seen that old 80s MTV novelty video "Dog Police" then it isn't safe for your psyche either.
"Dale Murphy is hosting and producing his own reality T.V show called "The Ultimate Survivalist," with six contestants who'll be thrown together for six days in a simulated post-apocalyptic wasteland. Located in a remote part of West Virginia, the contestants discover that what they are really fighting for is their survival - against a family of hideously deformed inbred cannibals who plan to ruthlessly butcher them all... Who will survive?" Henry Rollins stars in this Eliza Dushku-less made-for-DVD sequel to the theatrically released killer inbred hillbillies slasher flick.
More Sci-Fi Channel monster silliness has a plane crash in the Himalayas carring a college football team that now struggles to survive. Forget eating one another, a snow creature on the prowl has a taste for wayward athletes.
"The world's first satanic killer zombie chicken movie..." "On the darkest night of the year, when Satan is allowed free reign to walk the earth, a motley crew of Satanists kidnap a sharp tongued southern waitress to be a given up as the Dark One's bride and mortal host of the antichrist. But when her rowdy redneck friends botch up the ritual in a violent rescue attempt, all power of hell is inadvertently transferred into the most unlikely of hosts: a sacrificed chicken! Now, the Satanists and Rednecks battle one another as an evil most fowl threatens to swallow their souls and transform them into a demonic army of the walking dead! Who will survive the terror of Zombeak!?" And if you think the plot sounds bizarre then check out the trailer at the film's official website.
"Hell has been unleashed on the small town of Muerto Verde when inbred cannibal farmers are turned into zombies after Taliban warriors poison the local water supply. The only hope for humanity are two FBI agents and four party-crazed college students."
Horror comedy about a crack team of professional zombie hunters that team with a top female British security agent to save her sister from a mad scientist (played by scene-chewer extraordinaire Billy Drago, who will no doubt be taking things over-the-top in this one) and stop his plan to procreate a new half-human half-zombie master race.
David A. Prior's name may not be well known to most but his presence was definitely felt throughout the late 80s and 90s as the writer/producer/director of a plethora of low rent, often schlocky, in a few unfortunate cases - downright awful, b-grade flicks, usually of the action variety, often war movies. He does have a few genre flicks to his credit. Anyone else beside me ever seen the Predator knock-off Mutant Species, the Michael Ironside horror flick Mardi Gras for the Devil, or the vampiric war flick The Lost Platoon? I was under the impression that the Prior's (a good number of his films starred his actor brother Ted Prior) had dropped out of the movie biz about 1998, at least that's the last year anything is credited to David Prior on IMDB. It seems he's back and this time he's melding the zombie genre with the war movie in the form of Zombie Wars. Here's the plot synopsis from the American World Pictures website: "Nobody knows exactly how it happened. Some think it was the tail of a comet that passed to close too the earth, while others believed that it was simply time for man to atone for thousands of years of sinning. Whatever the reason, the dead had risen from the ground, and they were hungry! After years of war, only small rebel bands of humans remain in the war against the undead. When Brian, the leader of a military group, is captured by the enemy, he is taken to a nearby farm where he learns of a horrific secret - the zombies are farming groups of humans, and harvesting them as food. Now it is up to Brian to organize an uprising, and reclaim the freedom of his fellow humans. However, once the battle is over an even more insidious secret waits in the nearby town... With non-stop action, hordes of zombies, and some of the most realistic makeup FX seen in years, Zombie Wars has earned its place in the annals of horror." Well, I don't know about that last sentence there. I can appreciate some good hyperbole but that's pushing it just a bit, especially after viewing the Zombie Wars trailer. The movie looks like vintage Prior: cheap looking and cheesy looking, but with a certain element of charm to it that gives you hope that it might actually be fun to watch. There's a downloadable trailer currently available from AWP's website and you really should give it a look, assuming you, like me, have an affinity for films like this. It still looks infinitely better than most of the backyard zombie/slasher productions that keep taking up space on DVD racks. I look forward to seeing this one appear on those racks, hopefully sooner rather than later.
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